Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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