no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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