I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
