I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
