We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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