Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
