Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
