my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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