everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
