im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
