then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
