I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize