How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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