And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
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My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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