so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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