If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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