fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
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You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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