im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
