Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
