You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
