Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
