I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I smell like Dick and happiness
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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