I will die if light touches me.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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