I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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