No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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