I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
