This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
