Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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