one word: firstdatebathroomanal
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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