On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
