I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
