I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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