I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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