The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
