is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
