i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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