Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
