Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I did not marry a roomba.
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