Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize