and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
NoShamevember. You game?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
