OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
