No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
