I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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