your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
