I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
