I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
