Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
