Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
