yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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