"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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