Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
