I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
