Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
