i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
