I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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