Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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