tell your sister to shave her snatch
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
