So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
