It's like a parade of train wrecks.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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