If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
