All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
