You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
