Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
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We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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