You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
