He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Are my feet made of real feet?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
