the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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