I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
