You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
