is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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