I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
