he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
