fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
you made out with another girl for some wings
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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