And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
