Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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