i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
