I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
