I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
