I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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