I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
