All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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