I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
